Coldplay - Fix You

The more I've heard this song, the more I love it.. and the words have really touched me recently. I'd love someone to 'fix me' right now!

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Letting go?

A few years back, I met a wonderful person, and developed a friendship that was very special to me. Over the past couple of years, however, I have had to watch that friendship crumble. I have run around in circles trying to stop it happening.. we have both put up repairs, but they haven't managed to last.

I don't always know why things like this happen, but I do believe that this one is out of my control. I have been everything I should be, and offered all I can, and I can do nothing more.

With a small thread of friendship left, I feel I may have let go of that in anger the other day. It's not the person concerned that angers me, but the situation, and my feeling of helplessness.

I don't know where we have left to go, or what the future holds. But instead of running around in circles, and fighting every step of the way, I can now say, "what will be, will be".

Mind you, if you're reading.. I miss you!

Friends...

OMG.. where do I start with this one? Some of you know why this is topic is in my head at the moment.. and those that know me well know how important friendship is to me, and what a big softie I can be when it comes to those I care about.

So, what makes a friend? My opinion on this one has changed throughout the years. I guess I now realise that life is full of many different friendships, at all sorts of levels. Thankfully for me, a friend doesn't have to live close by to be a friend.. the internet means that many of my friends are quite some distance away. Some people turn their noses up at this, and say that you can't be friends with someone you've never met. Well, they obviously haven't sat at their keyboard pouring their heart out to someone in another country. In fact, I argue that internet friends are often very close.. you don't get the comfort of sipping coffee or watching a film.. you have to talk. And once your conversations stray beyond, "how are you?" and "how's the weather?", you usually find yourself having some quite deep chats, and getting to know each other pretty well. Plus, not looking someone in the eye seems to remove barriers.

How often do you have to be in touch with someone to call them a friend? Well, for some friends, they seem to be pretty short lived, and once you stop contact, it stays stopped, and that's that. But with others, you can be out of touch for ages, but still be friends. There are people in my life that I haven't heard from for ages.. but if they needed me, I'd be there like a shot. And hopefully that goes both ways too! ;-)

And when it goes wrong? Hmm.. that depends on both the friendship, and your own personality, I think. I have a big heart, and am very emotional. Now when it comes to friendships, that goes both ways. When I care about someone, I have alot to give.. I'd like to think I'm a good listener, even if I'm not always full of advice. I'd do anything (well, most things!) for my friends, and I'd like to think I'd always be there for them.

But if it goes wrong.. well, it hurts. Arguments really upset me, and if I lose touch with someone, I usually find I miss them terribly. Plus I generally beat myself up, wondering what I did wrong!

I'm having to learn that things change.. people change. It's not always down to me, and sometimes there's alot of things going on. One thing I will not do though is 'harden up'.. if I put up barriers it might mean not getting hurt, but it would also mean I miss out on alot. My feelings and emotions are here for a reason.. I just need to learn better ways to deal with them.

Not one person who has touched my life has been forgotten. I know I've lost touch with some, and am bad at keeping in touch with others. But, as I said earlier, I will always be here. And as a reminder to a certain someone.. I'm not letting go of you, so don't let go of me.